The internet can be a wonderful place to connect with people from all over the world. It’s so vast!

But… there is an alternate truth… where you are all alone on stage for an audience of one.

I have started … and then stopped … blogs and websites because I got spooked by ghosts from the past… who were very much alive and well.

Call me naive, but I never expected anyone I’d severed ties with to search me out. I mean, of course, anyone could... but why?

So, color me shocked when someone reached out to say they’d been reading my words for years.

I immediately felt unsafe. Our history dictated that.

I know that the concept of online (or any other) “safety” has become a nasty word.

Regarding online safety in particular, it’s both ridiculous and impossible to achieve, especially when speaking about adults.

But I think it’s worth exploring. Worth reaching for… and hopefully attaining.

It all begins with relationships.

In some cases, relationships turn into friendships… and then gently drift away. I am reminded of two such friends, both women, whom I love(d) dearly. I have no question that they felt the same about me. But our lives took different paths, and eventually, we just stopped communicating. There are no bad feelings. I wish them well, as I hope they wish for me. If I see them in person out in the world, I will give them a big squishy hug, if they’ll allow it. If you are one of these people, you are welcome here.

There are others I would call acquaintances. These are people that you worked with, worshipped with, or met along the way, who became part of the fabric of your life during a particular season. Also, welcome here.

And then, some friendships needed to end. There may be bad feelings, or no feelings at all. One or both may have chosen to back away for reasons the other will never understand. And, that’s okay.

These are difficult relationships.

Difficult conversations.

Feelings are hurt. Perceived betrayals are devastating.

And yet, it might be necessary.

I have found it necessary with a few friendships over the years, and some others have felt it necessary with me.

It never gets easier.

As for being welcomed here (or not), I can only say… you know the answer. I am reminded of a saying that I’ve thought of so often: If it’s doubtful, don’t do it. <<< There are many instances where I *should* have remembered and followed these words. Do you feel the same?

I am writing this as my first “real” post because I want it to be part of the foundation – in fact, the cornerstone – of what I’m building here.

One of safety, integrity, and kindness.

I don’t want a repeat of what happened to my last blog.

I blogged out my heart and soul. I told stories that wove together with self-help books and modalities.

The first crack appeared several years in, when someone suggested I was mucking up my book reviews with vulnerable, personal stories. They were distracting, they said. It’s why I wasn’t viral, they said.

They also said some other things. Unrepeatable things.

Up to that point, my blog was like a puzzle, one piece interlocking with another. I had links going back and forth, through the years, experiences, and posts.

I started deleting my personal stories.

And I doubted myself.

Anyway, there were missing pieces of the puzzle, creating holes in my stories.

Links to nowhere.

Then, a particularly nasty ghost arrived. Not just arrived but said hello.

I remember my shock when the email arrived.

Ghost has written you, it said.

I hadn’t spoken to them for over a decade and wanted to keep it that way.

But this was my public face. I couldn’t just ignore them, could I? I was, after all, The Self-Help Whisperer®! What would SHE do?

I responded.

It opened an emotional quagmire I’d never wanted to visit again. The consequences of that encounter still rent some space in my head. To my shame and disgust.

And in the end, I did the unthinkable. I deleted seven years’ worth of blog posts. Didn’t save a thing. I was embarrassed, humiliated, and felt exposed.

*poof*

It’s been nearly two years, and I’ve RE-learned a few valuable lessons I should have remembered all along.

1. It’s okay to cut out abusive and toxic people.
2. It’s okay to cut out icky people. (I heard this on a video a few weeks ago. If I can find it again, I’ll share it here.) But for now, just know that “icky” can be a stand-alone reason to say goodbye.
3. Being haunted doesn’t feel good, whether it’s by people or feelings.
4. The internet is not inherently safe, but I can ask for (and expect) safety and respect in my own space.
5. I can be welcoming and also create boundaries.
6. This can AND WILL be my safe space.

I will end this post with an apropos quote from one of my favorite self-help authors:

“We can’t be brave in the big world without at least one small safe space to work through our fears and falls.” — Brené Brown